#4. Beyond Hero, Victim, and Villain Conscious Relationships in Healing Work
Script
Have you ever felt really good after helping someone — like you were their hero? Or maybe you found yourself blaming someone for hurting you, gossiping about you, or making you feel abandoned. I’ve been in all of these situations. I’ve felt like the hero. I’ve felt like the victim. And I’m pretty sure I’ve been someone’s villain, too.
And I’ve also placed those same labels on others — casting them in roles without even realizing it: the fixer, the helpless one, the bad guy. We all do it. These roles become unconscious patterns.
In today’s episode, we’re going to explore the Drama Triangle — and how it plays out in spiritual teacher-student and healer-client relationships. Whether you're guiding others or walking your own healing path, these roles can subtly shape our dynamics in ways we don't always see.
Think about it: how often do you see someone as the villain in your story? An ex, a parent, a coworker? Or maybe you’ve made someone the victim — someone you feel responsible for. Maybe you’ve even placed yourself in that role.
But when we start to notice the pattern, we create space. Space to step back. Space to see people as more than the roles we’ve assigned them. Space to stop repeating the same old story.
That’s why energy work, shadow work, emotional intelligence, and self-awareness are so essential. The more we recognize these unconscious dynamics — in ourselves and in others — the more power we have to shift out of them, and into something more true. Into a higher state of consciousness. Into a higher frequency.Just remember, many of us can find ourselves unconsciously stepping into these roles — sometimes all three — especially in emotionally charged spaces like Reiki, teaching, and mentorship. In this episode, I want to break down these roles and discuss the importance of being aware of them and how to break free from them, so we can do deeper healing on ourselves and light the path for others from a state of empowerment.Before we dive in, I want to share that this episode is intended for spiritual growth and reflection. It’s not meant to replace therapy or professional mental health support.
I’ll be speaking about some patterns we can fall into — especially when we’ve experienced pain or confusion — but this is never about blaming ourselves or minimizing anyone’s trauma.
If you're navigating deep wounds or abusive dynamics, please know that your healing matters, and it's okay to seek help from a therapist or trauma-informed professional.
Take what resonates, leave what doesn't, and always honor what feels true and safe in your own body.
2. What Is the Drama Triangle?
Ok, so what is the Drama Triangle. Let’s break down the roles.
The Victim: Feels oppressed, helpless, hopeless, or powerless. Seeks sympathy or rescue rather than taking responsibility.
The Hero/Rescuer: Feels responsible for fixing or saving others, but can become controlling or burned out.
The Villain/Persecutor: Blames, criticizes, or controls others; may be aggressive or passive-aggressive. This can show up subtly in spiritual communities.
The triangle is a loop — people shift in and out of these roles unconsciously. If you are suddenly realizing that you have fallen into these roles or fallen into the trap of placing these labels on others in your life, do not fret. It is very normal, everyone does it, and awareness is the first stage.
So, how do we start shifting out of these roles? We start shifting our minds and energy into the empowerment triangle.
Instead of staying in the Victim role, we as healers are called to step into the role of the Creator—remembering that we have the power to shape our path, our energy, and the way we support others. From this place, we guide our clients or students not from a place of rescue, but from empowerment.
Rather than stepping in as the Rescuer, we shift into the role of the Coach. We don’t fix—we guide. We ask questions, we hold space, and most importantly, we trust their path, even when it’s unfolding differently than we imagined.
And instead of showing up as the Persecutor—through blame, criticism, or control—we step into the role of the Challenger. That means offering compassionate truth, setting healthy boundaries, and giving constructive feedback that helps them rise.
These shifts are subtle, but they’re powerful. They allow us to be in sacred relationship without falling into energetic entanglement.
Let’s go deeper on how these roles might quietly show up in our lives as healers, clients, students, or teachers.
As a healer, this can show up in a few different ways. Let’s explore.
Sometimes, as healers, we unconsciously slip into the role of the victim. It might sound like, “I’m so tired, no one understands how much I give,” or “I’m undercharging, but I can’t raise my rates—people need me.” Maybe it’s “I’m struggling, but I can’t let my clients down.” These kinds of thoughts are signs we’re pouring from an empty cup, running on depletion, and holding the weight of others’ healing without tending to our own. We might feel burned out, resentful, or even trapped—like we’re giving everything and not receiving enough in return. And the truth is, when we stay in this energetic pattern, we begin to attract clients who sense that and unconsciously try to "rescue" us—by over-giving, over-validating, or trying to energetically support us instead of focusing on their own healing journey. It becomes a reversal of roles, and everyone ends up energetically entangled and off-center.What's happening:The healer may be overextending, neglecting their own needs, and feeling unseen or unsupported, but instead of setting boundaries, they subtly position themselves as powerless or martyred.
How can we, as healers, pull ourselves out of this victim role? Well, we start shifting into the creator role. When the healer steps into the role of Creator, she begins to truly honor her own needs. She sets clear, loving boundaries and models self-worth—not just for herself, but for her clients as well. From this empowered place, she no longer feels powerless, depleted, or at the mercy of others. Instead, she holds space with clarity and compassion, trusting her clients to walk their own path.
This shift creates a beautiful, reciprocal dynamic—one rooted in sovereignty. The healer remains grounded in her own energy, and the client feels safe, seen, and empowered to take ownership of their healing. They walk beside one another, not entangled, but connected through mutual respect and personal responsibility.
Rescuer/Hero
When a healer slips into the Rescuer role, the inner dialogue often sounds like, “I have to help them… if I don’t, they’ll suffer.” or “I need to save this person”. From that place, we tend to overextend ourselves—giving too much, staying too long, and sometimes crossing energetic boundaries without even realizing it. Instead of holding space for someone to access their own healing, we start trying to heal them ourselves, taking on responsibility that isn’t actually ours to carry. And while it may come from love or empathy, it can leave both people drained and disempowered.
The healer may over-give, blur energetic boundaries, or take on responsibility for the client’s progress. They might jump in to soothe, solve, or energetically carry something that the client is meant to face on their own. The unintended consequence? The client stays in the Victim role—feeling dependent, disempowered, or incapable of navigating their own healing path. It actually blocks their growth, even though the healer’s intention was to help.
Over time, this dynamic can create exhaustion for the healer and stagnation for the client. And in some cases, resentment may surface on either side—the healer may feel unappreciated or overwhelmed, and the client may feel like they’re being managed instead of witnessed.
So how do we shift this?
In the Empowerment Triangle, the Rescuer transforms into the Coach. As the Coach, the healer no longer tries to fix or save. Instead, they hold space. They listen deeply. They ask powerful questions. They trust the client’s inner wisdom and honor their timing. The focus shifts from “I must heal you” to “I believe in your ability to heal yourself.”
This empowers the client to step into the Creator role—to take responsibility for their healing and begin seeing themselves as whole and capable. And the relationship becomes one of mutual respect, energetic clarity, and authentic transformation.
Let’s talk about what happens when the healer slips into the Persecutor role—also known as the Villain in the drama triangle. This role can be sneaky, especially because it often comes from frustration, burnout, or feeling like we’ve tried everything and nothing is working.
As healers, we might start to think things like, “They’re not doing the work,” or “They’re not taking this seriously.” That subtle inner blame starts to build, and without meaning to, we may begin projecting that onto the client—through tone, energy, or unspoken expectations. It might not look like yelling or overt criticism, but it can feel heavy and shaming to the client, even if we don’t say a word.
On the flip side, sometimes it’s the client who turns into the Persecutor. They might say, “You didn’t help me enough,” or “Your healing didn’t work.” In that moment, they’re looking for someone to blame for their discomfort—and the healer becomes the target.
Either way, once this dynamic enters the space, it creates tension, distance, and defensiveness. Both parties can feel unseen or misunderstood, and the healing process stalls.
So how do we shift out of this pattern?
We move into what’s called the Empowerment Triangle. The Persecutor transforms into the Challenger. As a Challenger, the healer still offers truth—but it’s compassionate truth. We set boundaries without blame. We give feedback without shame. We invite the client into their power without force or judgment. It’s not about pushing—it’s about lovingly reflecting what’s possible.
This gives the client space to rise—to take ownership, to face what’s uncomfortable, and to grow from it. And it allows the healer to stay rooted in integrity, grounded in love, and free from carrying the emotional weight of someone else’s healing journey.
Now, let’s take a look at what happens when a spiritual teacher or mentor—someone meant to hold space, offer guidance, and model grounded leadership—slips into the Victim role. This doesn’t always sound dramatic. In fact, it can show up subtly in thoughts like, “I give so much and no one sees me,” or “I feel unsupported, but I can’t ask for help,” or even, “I’m so exhausted, but my students need me.”
When a teacher carries this energy, they might start sharing from a place of depletion rather than overflow. Their teachings can become tinged with martyrdom or passive resentment. They might overextend themselves in hopes of being validated, seen, or appreciated—without actually voicing those needs. And while it’s completely human to have moments like this, if it becomes a pattern, it begins to impact the student-teacher relationship.
Students may start to unconsciously feel responsible for their teacher’s well-being. They might begin to over-give, people please, or dim their own needs so as not to "burden" the teacher. In some cases, they may even pull away, sensing that something in the space no longer feels emotionally safe or clear.
This dynamic can drain both people. The teacher feels unseen and unsupported. The student feels confused or energetically entangled. And the sacred container of learning starts to collapse under emotional weight that no one intended to carry.
So how do we shift this?
We step out of the Victim role and into the Empowerment Triangle, where the teacher becomes the Creator. As a Creator, the teacher models self-responsibility and emotional maturity. She honors her needs, sets healthy boundaries, and makes sure she’s filling her own well before pouring into others. Her teachings come from a place of aligned power, not silent suffering.
This shift not only re-grounds the teacher—it liberates the student. It allows the student to stay focused on their own journey, rather than being pulled into a caretaking dynamic. And it restores the relationship to one of clarity, integrity, and mutual empowerment.
Hero/Rescuer
Now let’s talk about what happens when a spiritual teacher starts to play the Rescuer. This is a really common one—especially for teachers who have huge hearts and truly want to help people transform. The Rescuer voice might sound like, “I have to fix this for them,” or “If I don’t guide them through every step, they’ll get lost.” On the surface, it seems noble. But underneath, it can create an unhealthy dynamic.
When a teacher is in the Rescuer role, they may start doing the emotional labor for their students. They might over-explain, over-coach, or rush in to soothe discomfort before the student even has a chance to sit with it. And what happens then? The student learns to look outward—to the teacher—for validation, answers, or rescue, rather than looking within.
It can quietly reinforce dependency. The student begins to feel like they can’t move forward without the teacher. And the teacher? They may feel needed, but eventually, they’ll feel drained, over-responsible, and maybe even resentful.
So how do we shift this?
We move from the Rescuer into the Coach—the empowered counterpart in the Empowerment Triangle. As a Coach, the spiritual teacher still supports—but they don’t carry. They ask powerful questions instead of giving all the answers. They trust the student’s wisdom instead of controlling the pace. They hold space for discomfort, knowing that struggle is often the soil where deep growth happens.
This shift allows the student to become the Creator of their own path. And it frees the teacher from emotional entanglement. What we end up with is a dynamic rooted in sovereignty, trust, and true empowerment on both sides.
Villain/Prosecutor
Now let’s look at what happens when a spiritual teacher unintentionally steps into the Villain role—also known as the Persecutor in the drama triangle. This usually doesn’t come from a desire to harm, but rather from frustration, burnout, or feeling like students just “aren’t getting it.”
It might sound like, “They’re not doing the work,” or “They just want a shortcut,” or “I’ve told them this already—why aren’t they applying it?” These thoughts might not be spoken aloud, but they come through—in tone, in energy, in microexpressions that students absolutely pick up on.
When a teacher falls into this role, their guidance can become critical or shaming, even if it’s subtle. Students may feel judged, discouraged, or like they’re constantly failing to meet unspoken expectations. The teacher, on the other hand, may start to feel emotionally removed or annoyed, as if they’re carrying the burden of someone else’s resistance.
It creates a power imbalance—where the teacher is perceived as the one who “knows,” and the student is made to feel inadequate or incapable. The learning environment becomes rigid, tense, or even fear-based.
So how do we shift out of that?
We move into the Empowerment Triangle, where the Villain transforms into the Challenger. As a Challenger, the spiritual teacher still offers truth—but it’s offered with compassion, curiosity, and care. Instead of blaming, they reflect. Instead of pushing, they invite. They lovingly call their students forward with high standards—but without shame or judgment.
This creates a powerful learning space where students feel safe enough to stretch, explore, and grow. They’re challenged, yes—but they’re also deeply supported. And the teacher remains rooted in their purpose without slipping into power-over dynamics.
This is what real transformation looks like—where growth is nurtured, not demanded.
Now let me be clear, this is not to be seen as a dismissal of anyone who has gone through any sort of abuse, assault, or any other traumatic event. That’s not what this episode is about. It’s not 30 minutes of me spiritually bypassing everyone’s struggles. I’m bringing awareness to these roles and patterns so that we can all identify them, observe them when they arise, and reflect on where the original wound is. My goal is to help people reach their highest levels of healing in this lifetime, if they are open to it and it’s their path.
For example, I was in an abusive relationship for about five years. Once I was able to acknowledge that I had been in an abusive relationship and truly see myself as a victim in that moment, it opened the door for me to begin processing the rage, betrayal, shame, and deep sadness I was carrying. Once I stopped identifying my abuser only as the villain in my story, I could stop being the victim, and then I was able to find a strong, empowered space to stand in. Through that process, I was then able to transmute that energy into creation, movement, and momentum to change my life.
But first, we must acknowledge how we’ve been cast in — or unconsciously stepped into — these roles, before we can begin to shift out of them. It’s the same as with any sort of emotional awareness. We must first acknowledge where we’re really at emotionally before we can move through it and out.
And one more point I want to be clear about, if you are in an abusive relationship of any kind, even if you recognize that you are labeling them as your villain, this does not mean you need to sit down and make amends with your abuser. Not everyone will choose to face themselves and heal in this lifetime, and that’s ok. But that doesn’t mean you need to put yourself in a toxic or unsafe dynamic to mend the relationship before you can heal yourself. Recognize the pattern and the dynamics, and then heal the wounds within yourself.
Also, I’d like to bring awareness around spiritual mentors or leaders who might purposely or on accident, create a dynamic with their students where the student feels completely reliant on the teacher for all of their decisions and stops listening to their own inner voice. Sadly, this is a tactic some spiritual teachers will use to keep students attached to them and dependent on them. You’ll oftentimes find this dynamic play out in cults. I’ll go more into this in a later episode but it’s definitely something to be aware of as a healer, teacher, student, and client. If you feel like someone is not respecting your boundaries, body, or feelings, this is a red flag.
We’re not trying to create any cults over here. We have enough of those. Let’s stick with empowering people to listen to their own inner wisdom.
Let’s do a quick recap of how to start moving into the Empowerment Triangle. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to start transforming your mindset.
Shift from Victim → Creator by asking yourself, “What can I choose or create from this experience?”
Shift from Hero/Rescuer → Coach by asking yourself, “I trust you to find your own path — I’m here to support, not save.”
Shift from Villain/Persecutor → Challenger by asking yourself, “I’ll reflect the truth with love — not blame or shame.”
"This week, gently notice where the triangle might be showing up — maybe at work, in a friendship, or within a partnership. Are you stepping into the role of hero, victim, or villain? Are you unconsciously casting someone else into one of those roles? This isn’t about blaming yourself. True healing begins with awareness, not shame. Everyone plays a part, and everyone holds responsibility — including you. These insights are simply ways for you to take your power back and step into a more conscious, sovereign space."
"If you're a teacher or healer, ask yourself: Am I empowering, or am I enabling?"
"And if this episode sparked something within you, I’d love to hear about it. Feel free to share a story or DM me with your reflections or breakthroughs. You can go to ballerina.com/podcast-questions to submit any questions, reflections or stories."
Thanks again for joining me on the Reiki Witch Podcast. I'm always happy to serve my fellow magical folk, however I can have a wonderful day Until next time.
